had this sudden holy moment
that i get every now and then..
not holy moment as in like holy,
but a moment when i feel like i really need
assurance from god.
it's like 3 am in the morning but then
i find myself getting so absorbed in the bible and
all those inspiring scriptures..
like i really don't understand how some
can't understand how huge God's love is.
i mean, maybe you don't like to read this kinda
stuffs but just pause and think for a second..

i went to church ever since i started remembering things
but it was mostly because my mum went so
i had to go with her.
it didn't really mean much to me.
it was just "i go because my mum goes."
not until i started studying the bible when i was 15
and i remember i was so screwed up
although i have been going to church
not saying i am perfect now,
i'm still screwed up but
at least i have that hope, and the knowledge
that someone up there actually loves me
so much that he sent his son to die for me.

i mean i don't exactly have a great dad to look up to.
and most of the time i did the thinking and
rationalising up in my own little head ever since i was
young. never really depended much on anyone because
i was afraid they'd hurt me just like my dad hurt me.
i love my dad, i really do. that's why
i was really hurt by what he's done.

like in this world where we live in
there isn't such a thing called unconditional love.
we get mad at each other, jealous, irritated, judging.
and then i came to know that actually God
loves me unconditionally, no matter how many dozen times
i disppoint him. no matter how many times i lie,
get mad at little things, procrastinate,
get selfish and insensitive towards people.

it's like those punching dummies,
where no matter how many times you punch it or
kick it, it still bounces back right into your face,
or maybe those dark stains on a white t shirt
that no amount of bleach can wash away.
no matter what, this guy seriously still loves me.
and he loves you too,
and wants to get to know you.
question is,
will you let him love you?

this is the verse that never fail
to make me feel comforted despite me
reading it whenever i feel upset
or feel like the world is on my shoulders.
(which is like every 3 days :P)
it reminds me to keep lookin at the big picture.
10 years down the road, this problem that i have now
probably wouldn't even be inside my memory.

Isaiah 53:4-6 (New International Version)

4 Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.

5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.


if you read till this far,
thank you.
i mean really. :)